Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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