HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
