We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
