Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
