What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
