i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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