turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
