Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
