Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
