Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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