Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
