His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
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I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have aggressive nipples.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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