omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
