If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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