i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
