he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
