At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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