he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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