I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
