I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
