On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
