I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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