cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
is it fun? or sober?
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