there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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