did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
