you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
