you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
