I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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