Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
