you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
