She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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