put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
