i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
as a side note pls kill me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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