OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
