wat bout pragnant strippers??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
