Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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