i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
