I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize