I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
