Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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