She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
