I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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