We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
