when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
