and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
