happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
