Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
