He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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