I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
