i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
