Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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