you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the day after is always just damage control
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
