There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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