He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
