Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
