She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
