shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
