I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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