My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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