allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
