I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Green mimosas i think yes
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
