Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
