I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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