this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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