This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
