I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
