just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
