i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
