the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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