Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
