I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
