Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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