I think I died a long time ago.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
