Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
