Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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